they say "threepwood, why you rap so fast? we can't hear your lyrics.."
i'm just showing off the fact i can hold my breath for ten minutes
that's why i happily gave up those mints to that pirate in prison
and advise cannibal villages on vegetarianism.
although i can't get served without my library card, despite the beard;
"i don't want a shirley temple barman, i want a beer!"
or some viscous green liquid that makes your phlegm thick.
despite this i still cheated in the spitting contest
anyway, all i got was this stupid t-shirt
my occupation to me is a good way of avoiding real work
sometimes i feel the smirk threaten to wrap round my whole face
other times i shit myself in the face of battle and run away
but you might as well turn and face
a man when he's waving your effigy in doll form, all stuck with pins
under an abandoned theme park, where this ends & begins.
i discard any legends that you might have heard after.
that was an imposter, i grew up & became a plasterer...
but i saw the games on the shop shelves after i sold the stories of my exploits to lucasarts
the bastards fired ron gilbert & continued to draft the story where i was supposedly found lost at sea
floating in a dodgem car... a cop-out if you ask me
and no-one will ever know what really happened next, no-one except me
and i'm keeping my cards close to my chest.
i mean, i already have an impending court case against disney
for the events depicted within a certain film with a nautical theme
i admit it, i wish i'd been in pirates of the carribbean
but they said i was far too, uh, "unintentionally camp"
they needed someone more macho
i looked like i worked in a bank.
"no, but i have done adverts for one..." i protested as they shoved me out the back door
i wasn't even shown it first.
and these days no-one makes the point & click games anymore, anyway.
maybe i could get a guest appearance in the new sam & max game, that's all...
i tried to get hold of them but they won't return my calls...
i remember plugging them and bobbin from loom...
now george from broken sword gets more work than i do.
and i heard bernard from day of the tentacle is now serving burgers that are almost inedible
in some star wars sponsored franchise fast food frenzy.
oh, and lucas - those three prequels were shit!
and we are pleased you are not doing more.

no, this song above is shit.