an apology.

from mixtape EP by Josef Motley

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lyrics

i'm only as clever as my last scabbed over knuckle.
i should keep control of my dull loudmouth scottish alter ego,
or the identical flipside of a supposed schizophrenic's coin.
chewing the resin-ruined end of a pen's gut
and realising my mistake
and looking up
disgust
in a hundred different dictionaries
and still not finding one truly satisfactory definition
i mean, who started this collection...?
it's suspicous at best.
.... and my spare change on the plate is just mutilated fruit
.... and miniscule discs of tasteless communion bread
(i used my favourite word again, i really should stop that.)
i guess i'm becoming a parody of myself:
"sometimes i feel like i'm a spoof of what i used to be..."
"i'm not a ladies' man,
i'm a landmine."
i've dragged rap's
already tarnished reputation
about ten years back.
i might as well rename myself Jewpac and write
"totally serious rhymes about women, money & cars"
i don't play a character onstage....
i save that for when pinned down in the street outside afterward
feebly trying to punch
i don't have a weight to box above
and i slag off the macho...
like the hypocrite cunt that i am
i have said this before, it is old news
(like: "today's flyer is tomorrow's roach")
it's an eerie rewind to like nine years ago
and how clever i was seven later
to go on about broken bottles & Pete Newbury
funnilly enough
the repercussions of that event have echoed onward
for the rightful owner
of the banned bootleg he stole
was in attendance tonight
and i apologised again, completely unnessecarilly
(in his case but not yours)
it's hard writing whilst grovelling without sounding patronising
but i'm truly sorry, i am honestly ashamed.